Always Yours
by Maugurt
Summary: Alex finds a love letter, but it's too late...


**_AN: This is my first ever fanfic so please be nice to me. I don't really think I captured the characters that well, but i hope you enjoy it anyway. Thank you for reading~_**

When I was younger, I never thought I would find love. My mother always reassured me that a nice man would come along and sweep me off my feet. I wasn't too sure, though. She would always speak of my father and how he was the one for her. I knew she was wrong about that and so did she. He'd been cheating on her since I was nine. Me and a friend of mine saw him with another woman and I told my mother what we'd seen. Instead of confronting him, she put on a smile and pretended nothing had happened. That was 19 years ago. 19 years of pretending, 19 years of lying. Love was pretty much a fairytale for me because of that. I didn't want a relationship if it meant deceiving each other. Needless to say, I was very pessimistic about the whole concept and being a responsible adult, I put love aside and focused on a career instead. Why look for something that doesn't exist? 23 year old me was terribly wrong.

I saw you when you walked into the diner where I worked. The second the door opened I forgot how to breathe. Your black hair clung to your face because of the rain. Foggy glasses, slightly askew, and lips in a thin line, you were clearly not in a good mood. And yet, you still looked gorgeous. Back then I didn't know that the feeling in the pit of my stomach was infatuation. I thought I was already in love with _him_. The fact that I never even once felt for _him_ what I felt just then should've been a give away. I also didn't understand your flirtations when I took your order. Looking back now, I can't help but slap myself mentally. You asked me what I recommended and then told me it was too cold outside for a salad, going over every single thing on the menu to keep me there, keeping me engaged in a conversation. When you left the diner that day, my heart sank. I never thought I'd see you again. Even though our conversation was brief and not that interesting to be honest, I felt a connection to you I had never felt before. When you came back the week after, dry and a lot happier, I couldn't even hold back my smile. I'd like to think you came back for me and not the grilled cheese sandwich. Again you ordered a sandwich and that became your thing. You would come in Friday and Saturday and order the same thing. On busy days I'd watch you when you weren't looking, giggling when getting caught, and on slow days we'd just talk for hours. You learned that I only worked on weekends to support for my college tuition and I learned that you liked girls.

Three weeks went by before we met outside of work. You would help me study, being the older one and very much responsible as you would phrase it, we would go to yours and watch movies and sometimes we would just be. I enjoyed those days the most. The days when I'd just pay attention to you, when everything else was just background. It pains me so much to think that it took me six more months to end my relationship with _him_. I knew I hurt you, but I was too afraid to jump into the unknown. I never even knew the feelings I had for you existed, love wasn't supposed to exist, so I pushed them aside, but I deeply regret it. Not only did I hurt you, but I hurt myself. Forcing oneself to shut down emotionally hurts more then it helps. I am so grateful that you stayed through all that bullshit and that we worked it out. If it wasn't for you, I probably would have settled and ignored the fact that I didn't love _him_. I would've become my mother. You saved me in every possible way.

I was so afraid of kissing you at first. I knew you had way more experience than me and I didn't want you to think badly of me, in any way. Part of me was scared that you would leave me if I was bad. I should have known better. After our first kiss you were still there even if it was disastrous. I guess it could have been worse. Or maybe not. I had fantasized about it for weeks and when it happened I froze. It must have been like kissing a doll. Plain awful. I forgot how to move my lips and when you leaned back I just stared at you. You had to comfort me for a solid ten minutes before I could calm down. The second kiss took me by surprise and was so much better. I wasn't as nervous, that's why you actually got a kiss that time. I understood that you wouldn't leave me for such a stupid thing. At heart, I knew all along, though. The first time we made love was even scarier, but I trusted you beyond words, still do, and you were so gentle. I'm almost teary eyed just thinking about it. You didn't care about your own needs, it was all about me. You made my first time all about me. I couldn't have asked for a better lover.

Our first vacation, to Cambodia, could have ended really badly, but yet again, you saved me. That fisher man got really angry at me for almost ruining his net and you stepped in, like a knight in shiny armor, and defended me. It was technically your fault for not warning me, though. I was walking backwards, talking to you, after all and I know you saw the net, you just chose to let it happen. The waitress at that restaurant wasn't that friendly either. She should have heard me coughing! I would never spit out someones food. At least not at a restaurant. Again, I'm sorry I spat that piece of fish out that one time you decided to cook. I know you worked hard on it, but it was really bad. Just a little parenthesis. One day I totally destroyed that toaster at the hotel too. Trying to fix a toaster with a glue gun was never a good idea to begin with, I don't know why I went through with it. Later that night, when we lay in bed you told me you would stay with me forever. That was the first time anyone had ever told me that. My heart almost burst in my chest and I wanted to stay there forever. All I could do was smile and kiss you. Now you know the reason I love Cambodia so much.

As I'm writing this you are sitting in our bed, reading some book you just bought. It takes every last bit of my self control to stay put by the desk. I want to hold you and kiss you. Even now, after 5 years, I still want to hold your hand whenever I can, I still get butterflies when we kiss and I still forget to breathe when you walk into a room. You are, by far, the most amazing person I have ever met. You are gorgeous, funny and such a loving person. I am the luckiest woman in the world. No one makes me happier than you. It is an honor to love you, and I really do. I love you Alex Vause, with all my heart. You are totally and undeniably inevitable to me. Please meet me in the park, at our spot at twelve o'clock.

Always yours.  
>Piper.<p>

A tear landed on the handwritten letter in her hands, followed by two more. Despite herself, she had a smile on her lips. Wiping away the tears from her cheeks, she read through parts of the letter again. She already knew all the stories by heart, but Piper had taken the time to actually write them down. She had poured her heart out onto paper and the words were made for reading. More tears landed on the paper, each drop turning the cream white color a darker shade. Yet again, she wiped away the salty droplets from her red cheeks, not wanting the letters to smear. Alex had found the envelope on the kitchen counter upon returning home. She hadn't read it back then, too drained to even comprehend what had happened. It still didn't feel real. Just the thought had her put the letter down on the bed beside her. She picked up the small box from the bedside table and opened it, just staring at the silver ring for what felt like hours. Piper had it in her pocket when it happened. Surprised to see the box shake, she realized it was her hand. Her whole body was shaking and she just noticed.

As soon as Alex had gotten the call she had rushed to the hospital, not wasting a second. They had told her there had been a car accident. When she got there, she was met by a scene that had haunted her ever since. Piper's family stood around her where she lay in the bed, all bruised and with all these machines connected to her. She was told that they were keeping Piper alive. Her beautiful Piper. It felt like a huge fucking stone had fallen down on her. She hurt all over and her knees suddenly felt weak. Time seemed to stop as she stumbled to the bed, taking hold of the blonde's hand. The words leaving her mouth sounded so animated, like she hadn't actually spoken; "No, don't you go. Don't you fucking leave me." Someone told her something then, but those words might as well have been spoken to a wall. Alex's world had suddenly taken a 360 and everyone speaking sounded like foreigners. The only thing she heard was; "They want us to decide if we want to stop the machines. There is nothing more they can do, Alex. She's already gone." The following hours was the hardest Alex had ever experienced. The love of her life was just a lifeless body, just an empty shell. She had stayed by the blonde's side until she wasn't allowed to do so anymore. Leaving her was even harder than seeing her in that state. That day, a piece of her died. It was cruelly and brutally ripped from her heart.

Someone who worked in the hospital, doctor or nurse, Alex hadn't really cared, took them aside and gave them Piper's belongings. The raven haired woman had found the jewelry box in the jacket pocket, but didn't open it. She already knew what was inside, it was quite obvious, and she didn't have the energy to face all that it meant. Not back then. It was all too fresh. There was no way she had been able to handle it. It took her six months, two weeks and four days, almost to the minute, to open the box and read the letter. Alex took a deep breath and picked up the silver ring, putting the box down again, somehow still smiling weakly. Instead of thinking about the hospital visit and Pipers battered body, she thought of all the great times they had together. All the places they went together, all the people they met. How they could laugh together at everything and nothing, whenever and wherever. The times they made love and took the time to really _feel_ everything, to appreciate every little inch of each others bodies. It was so hard knowing she could never have that again. She would do anything to have the blonde back, _anything, _even if it was for just one day. Everything would be okay if she could hold her Piper just one more time. Alex put the ring on her left ring finger, caressing it with her thumb. She gave out a soft chuckle, holding back the tears threatening to escape.

"Always yours."


End file.
